sillygirl27's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I think I have lots to say..... Well a friend told me about this place and I thought I would give it a shot. I haven't done a diary in probably like 15 years or so. Dam a lot has happened in 15 years too! At first I wasn't quite sure if I had enough to say to make this worthwhile, but we'll see. A LITTLE ABOUT ME I am a 27 year old divorced mother of one. My ex-husband and I have shared custody of our 5 year old daughter, although he chooses not to see her. I think he is a self centered asshole. She used to ask where her dad was all the time, but now she doesn't even know him. I guess it's best that way though. I think I was shocked when we were getting packed up to move to our new house this past April and I came across some baby pictures of her when we were still a family. The part that broke my heart about looking at the pics was that she didn't even remember who he was. BIGGEST MISTAKE I should have never gotten married either. It was a shotgun wedding at a cheap chapel. How fucking lovely! It was right after my mom died, I was 21 and I was already 3 months pregnant. The best part of the whole dam thing was that we went to Shoney's breakfast bar afterwards. LOL!! I HATED MY LIFE I knew I wouldn't be married to this creep forever so I really didn't take care of myself, I wanted him to leave me. I hated him. I hated my life too. I think the only thing that was keeping me afloat was knowing that I was pregnant. And even at times I wasn't happy about that. We lived in a teeny tiny 1 bedroom apartment on the 2nd floor of a complex and I hated that place too. As you can see I was none to happy about any of the conditions I was in. WHAT WAS I THINKING After about 1.5 yrs we bought a house. Hmmm imagine that??? Now I felt even more obligated to him than ever before. Here we just bought a house, and I still hate him. I could never trust him. Every word that came out of his mouth was a lie. Do you know how it is to live with someone who lies about everything? I swear, if I asked him if it was raining outside, he would probably lie and tell me no, even if it was. Why do people do that? THE BIG "D" Well in January of 2002 I decided to file for divorce. We had been married only 3 years, but I had to get out. He was draining me of my life and my soul. I had become BITTER! And anyone who knows me, knows I'm not like that AT ALL! Getting a divorce was one of the biggest decisions I have ever made. But luckily I had my dad down in FL for support. I lived in WV at the time, some 16 hours from home. Ok anyway, my dad paid for my divorce since he thought I needed to get married in the first place, remember I was pregnant and my mom had just passed away so I don't think any of us were in our right mind. SERVED WITH DIVORCE PAPERS?? Can you believe this, I was in the middle of getting a divorce, so I was already stressed to capacity, I hear a knock on the back door of the house. No one ever comes to the back door, especially at 8 in the morning, but oh well. My ex goes to get the door. OMG they are serving him his papers at the fucking house. I freaked out big time. He just said thank you and went back to his bedroom. So after a few mins of silence, I thought he'd come in my room and ask my WTF?, but he never did. Now I'm curious, so I walk back to his room and asked who was that and what did they want. There in his hands are the divorce papers. I said to him, and I remember the words exactly, "Oh I see you got the papers. I filed for divorce". All he said was "OK". I was now 100% sure I was doing the right thing. He moved out shortly there after. THANK GOD! Then about a month after he moved out I got a call from a lawyer telling me I had 24 hours to remove my belongings from the house. WTF!!! So here's the deal....The papers served to the house weren't divorce papers after all, THEY WERE REPOSESSION PAPERS! Here I am with a 2 year old, no money, no job, a piece of shit car, and now my house is getting REPOED??? I asked God to take me right then and now. How could my life get any worse. I begged that lawyer to let me stay but he only gave my 15 days to get out. I had to hustle to find a place. Low income projects, here I come! LOOKING FOR HOUSING My search began in a very nice lower income housing development. Well guess what?? My credit, courtesy of my ex was shit, and was not good enough to live there. Not good enough?? For the projects?? ARG!!! I then searched another low income place. Wow, this place was nice. Townhouses with washer and dyer hookups, now that's what I'm talking about. I got in!! Yea!! WILD NIGHTS! It was great for the 1st month, after that, OMG!! A party every night at my house!! Too much drinking, too much smoking, too many fights and too many cops there...way too many! I hope that didn't affect my child is all I can say. I can only imagine what she must have thought when she saw her mom all fucked up! I don't think she remembers it though. At least I hope not!! I got my heart tattoo when I lived there also. My purple heart. I love it, but I am getting it covered. It was a symbol of my surviving my divorce, but know I don't even what to think about those 5 years with him. I am getting a really cute flame tattoo to cover it, cause baby I'm on fire!!! OK I think I better get back to work for a while now. I can't believe I wrote this much at one time. I guess I do have lots to say!! 11:40 am - Thursday, Jul. 01, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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